Titles.

Through life, we have a series of titles attached to our name.

My first one came with birth - daughter.  

I was a daughter first, then a sister.  I've also been a niece, granddaughter, cousin, friend, student, employee, teacher, girlfriend, fiance, sister in law and daughter in law.

A few years ago, I was given my favorite title - wife.

Wife was the one title I never really thought I'd have.  When I was younger, I always assumed that one day, I'd be a wife and, eventually, a mother.

But as I got older, wife and mother seemed less likely to happen.  I'm not saying that for pity or anything.  I'm a realist.  And statistics show that the likelihood of a woman marrying for the first time after the age of 40 isn't a that great,  (Before you roll your eyes, I looked it up - in 2019 it was around 9% chance of happening. up from 2% in 1990)

And I was, surprisingly, ok with that.  Being single means you can just make plans and do what you want.  Ice cream for dinner?  Sure.  Couch all weekend long watching MTV True Life reruns?  Sign me up.  The leftover Chinese food in the fridge on Saturday night will still be just like you left it when you grab it for lunch on Monday and the remote is always yours.

Then I met Sean.  And he liked ice cream for dinner.  He didn't mind the True Life marathons.  He wasn't even a fan of Chinese food and he preferred when I held the remote.  His single and my single seemed to be perfect together.  He loved music and books and food.  He got me to travel with him and we visited Seattle and Graceland and New Orleans and Key West.  We loved doing everything and nothing together.

And then he gave me the title of wife.  I wasn't sure I'd be a great one, but he thought I was, and, when I think about it, I was pretty good at it.  I was a not so good housekeeper, but a good wife.  And he was a great husband.  And we were happy.  

And almost 4 years after I was given the title of wife, I got a new W title.

Widow.

And as far as I can tell, there's nothing great about this title.  In fact, it sucks.  

And it's a title I don't want to have and one I don't want to learn about.

Widow is one of the ugliest words in the world.