Keys.

I fell in love with my husband in Key West.

Let me clarify: I loved him before our first vacation there, but experiencing that place, with him, made me fall in love with him again. 

Our first visit took place Christmas of 2017.  We had been together about 6 months or so when he brought up the idea of going there for Christmas.  I had to think about that.  Christmas away from my family for the first time ever was a weird concept.  Since my mom died, holidays had been different, but still - not being there at all?  But I decided that maybe it would be a fun tradition to begin with Sean.  So, he booked our flight and our hotel and I started reading about Key West, Florida.

We flew down on December 22nd.  I was lucky enough to catch a stomach bug a few days before we left and that made the flight a delight.  That first night we walked all the way down Duval to the Southernmost Hotel for dinner.  We could watch the waves as we ate and it was a breathtaking sight.  That week was filled with adventures - we parasailed and jet skied and walked for miles and ate way to much food.  I was introduced to Cuban Coffee Queen's Cafe Con Leches and Hemmingway's 6 toed cats, Mallory Square and Mattheson's cookies, hogfish and Frita's burgers.  And I understood why the man I loved loved this little island.

It was paradise.  And I loved it, too.

We visited our happy place 8 more times.  We spent every other Christmas there and would try to get a trip in on the non-Christmas years whenever we could.  We, very quickly, became as familiar with KW as we were with North Jersey.  

And every time we went, I saw how happy my husband was there. How relaxed he was.  How he loved chatting up the local shop keepers and how they began to remember him every time we were there. And each time we were there, I fell in love with him all over again.

One night we were sitting on the deck of our hotel, listening to the music from Willie T's down the street.  He was smoking one of his cigars, and I had a Con Leche and my book.  He  would often get philosophical during those nights and he told me how, when it was his time, he wanted a part of him to return there, permanently.  I rolled my eyes and told him that I may not be up for a trip like that as an old lady.  He got up and kissed my head as he went back into the room, and made me promise.  So I promised.

This Christmas would have been our 10th trip there.  We never took an "official" honeymoon due to Covid, but we snuck in a few "minimoons" in the last 3 years.  So, for this trip, Sean planned big.  Reservations at a hotel we had wanted to stay at since our first trip down, but one that was always just a whisper out of our budget.  First class flight.  Christmas Eve moonlight cruise.  Cafe Sol for Christmas dinner (our favorite fancy dinner night - their hogfish is spectacular).  We had spent hours looking for new places to explore this time and had started our list of restaurants to try this time.  Our flight to the Conch Republic would have left on December 23rd.

Yesterday, I deleted the trip from my calendar.

Last month I cancelled our dinner reservations.  The manager, who returned my call, made me promise to visit them when I was ready to return. 

Someone asked me if I would ever go back.

I thought about it.  I don't know if I will love it without him.  I don't know if it will still be my happy place.  Would I ever visit any of the places that we loved without him again?

COULD I travel to those places without him?

But I decided that I would.  When I was ready.

Because I promised.