They.

They say that grief is the last act of love.

I don't know who "They" are, but "They" have a lot of sayings.

You hear a lot of things when you go through a loss.  Everyone has some little bon mot of wisdom to share.  And I know it comes from a good place.  Or maybe it's because people don't know what to say to someone who's gone through this.  I know because I'm guilty of saying one or two, and I've been the recipient of many.

I know in the beginning people didn't know what to say to me - because how could you?  

"Sorry" doesn't really cover it when the love of someone's life wakes up only to fall down and die.  "Sorry" works when you've eaten the last Oreo or stepped on someone's foot.  Or left them without any toilet paper (although that one should merit a REALLY, REALLY sorry.)

So instead of sorry (and there's nothing wrong with sorry- but sometimes after you say it, you realize it's not a big enough word) some people offer (what they feel are) words of hope.  

Platitudes.  

Sometimes you smile when you hear them. 
Sometimes you literally stare at the person with a blank look on your face because that's all you have the energy for.
Sometimes you want to Roadhouse kick them in the face (please refer to the Widow Brain post and scroll down to irrational anger for a better understanding of this reaction.) 

You've all heard what They say:

"They're in a better place." (No.  A better place is Key West.  With me.)
"They say everything happens for a reason." (Prey tell - what would be the reason for this?)
"You know what they say: only the good die young." (Billy Joel said that to Virginia, you unoriginal behemoth.)
"Well, it's as they say: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." (I will literally scratch out your retinas and kill you myself if you say that again.)
"It's like they say: God only takes the best ones." (It's like I say: Kindly, fuck right off. okbyebye.)

So the They out there seem to have lots to say, but, honestly, none of what They say helps.

There have been things that have helped, though.

There's the people that treat you like the person you were before September 18th.
There's the people that aren't afraid to say his name. 
There's the people that don't skirt around what happened.  He died.  Sean died.  You aren't jinxing yourself if you say his name or what happened.
There's the people that don't judge you for how you deal with losing your person.  Who tell you straight out "whatever you need to do to get through your day".
There's the people that hug you, (even though you have issues with being touched) because they know you need one.  They're the people that don't expect you to hug back, but just hold you tight, rub your back, and act like the strong one for a few moments because, somehow, they know that there's absolutely no strong left in you.

So while this might seem to be a "shit on the THEY" kind of entry, it's honestly not.  It's more of a "being a THEY doesn't help much - be a 'the people' kind of friend" entry.  

Because "They" don't know what they are talking about.

Except that first one about grief being the last act of love.

That one, well, that one hits home.

Because without love, there would be no grief.

And, honestly, I had a great love.  A wonderful love.  An imperfectly, perfect love.

And I would live through this grief again and again and again if it meant having that love again.