Keys (Part 2. Electric Bugaloo.)

I've been thinking about Key West a lot lately.

Over the past few months I've unblocked all the KW pages I followed on my social media accounts and now, each day, I'm reminded of my happy place.

When Sean died, we had a trip planned for Christmas - a trip we never got to take, and seeing all the posts about it, well, it fucking sucked, and it kicked-in-the-crotch hurt so bad, that I blocked all the pages and groups I was in.  It was easier that way.

But around Halloween this year, my second without Sean, I started unblocking and slowly started to tiptoe my way back into the Conch Republic.  After Sean died, many of my friends have offered to go with me when I'm ready.  And I know that I'm getting to that point.

A few weeks ago, I started looking at flights and hotels and trying to decide when I want to go.  Do I go in November - which is still hurricane season, but a stunning time to visit?  Do I wait till February and take a day or two off of work and make it a long weekend?  Do I stay at a place where I've stayed with Sean or do I do this all new and make my own way?  Do I go alone for the first day or two and then ask a friend or two to join me there?  What do I do with Lexi while I'm gone (although, my sister has offered to Lexi-sit here, if and when I need to get away).

It's a lot to consider and a lot to think about.

But the thing I think about the most is - will I love it as much without him?  

What if I go and my happy place, my oasis, my escape from reality, isn't any of that for me anymore?

Over a year ago I was having a conversation about it and I said that what I love about KW is how the people there embrace everyone with love and acceptance.  How you can do anything and everything or nothing and still have a good time.  

I've been thinking about that a lot lately.  And how much I miss it.  

The other day someone posted a video of Duval early in the morning - before the day starts - the street was wet, a few people were strolling around, and the roosters were out and about doing their morning patrol of their town.  And, sitting on my couch, sipping my Cuban Queen coffee, I could smell that scene.  And the missing feeling I had for it was visceral.  

And that's when I realized that I loved Key West from my first moment there.  Everything about it.  Being there with Sean made me love it more, but with or without him, I would have fallen in love with that place, just like he did years before he met me.  And how there is so much more to the island that I want to experience, and see.  How I want to share my love for it with others - the way he did with me.  And how it's time I do that.

So, I set an alert on Expedia for flight prices - one for some dates in November.  One for some dates in February.  I don't know if or when I'll do it, but I've started.  And whether I go alone, or with someone, it's time.

Today is 20 months since Sean died.  A few years ago, I made him a promise.

I think I'm ready to honor it.

Besides, I miss the roosters.