Rainbows.

"When I see a rainbow, I know that someone, somewhere loves me" 

-Anthony T. Hincks

What is it about seeing a rainbow that makes a person smile? 

Is it because they are rare?

Is it because they are pretty?

Is it because we think (though we won't admit it out loud) that maybe there really is a pot of gold at the end of it?

I've asked several people over the last few weeks and not one person said they are angry when they see a rainbow.

I think that speaks for itself.

I've been dealing with writers' block since my trip to Key West.  

And that trip was actually a lot better than I had expected.

Yes, I had some moments where I was really questioning my decision (and my sanity) to go there, alone, on the anniversary of Sean's death - like when we had a turbulent landing, like when my uber turned onto Duval Street, like when I sat, fully clothed, in the bathtub of my hotel having a full blown panic attack that involved crying, hyperventilating and the thought that I was in the midst of a heart attack.

But, the second day was better than the first, and the third day was better than the second, and when I was sitting with my morning coffee on the fourth day, my last day, I was sad to leave.  

I thought I'd have so much to write about, but the words just weren't there.

Maybe it's because it was personal to me.

Maybe it's because there were some things I just want to keep between Sean, me and the sea.

But the words stayed away for a while.

Two months, actually.

But lately, I've been thinking about rainbows.

A friend, who is going through an incredibly difficult time, noticed several rainbows on a recent journey.  Rainbows that, he felt, were messages - that someone was looking down at him.

I don't think he's wrong.

What if rainbows are a bridge between heaven and earth?

The morning I brought Sean to Southernmost, I sat in the sand and watched the waves pull him away from me.  I was listening to a playlist we had made together years ago, and the song that played at that moment was "I'll See You In My Dreams" and a rainbow was hovering in the distance.  Maybe it was a message that I wasn't alone.  That he was there with me.  That he would always be there.

But what if you don't see the rainbow?

What if it's just grey all the time?

I've wondered that, myself, more than once.

As a self proclaimed writer, a reader, and a teacher, I love figurative language.  I love using it, reading it in books, and teaching it to my students (because using clips of old episodes of Batman fights are perfect for onomatopoeia). 

And this girl? Well, she loves a good metaphor.

Like the rainbow.

I did a little research (of course I did) about how rainbows could be a metaphor for grief and here's what I unearthed:

A lot of blog entries about rainbows.

A lot of blog entries that I didn't read because I didn't want my own writing to be skewed by another.

So I checked out what Google's new BFF, AI, had to say.

Metaphors about rainbows and grief include rainbows as a sign of hope and healing after a loss, like a "rainbow baby" after a miscarriage or stillbirth, and rainbows as a bridge to the afterlife for a loved one, often called the "Rainbow Bridge" for pets. Other metaphors frame rainbows as moments of unexpected beauty, joy, or connection that can provide comfort and meaning during difficult times, or as a sign that healing is happening alongside the pain. They primarily focus on the themes of hope, new beginnings, resilience and the idea that hope and joy can coexist.

"A sign of hope and healing.”

I would have to agree with AI.

But, again, what if those rainbows don’t appear in the sky - because, believe me, I spend a lot of time looking.

I’ve decided (and you don’t have to agree with me, here) that maybe we just need to find those rainbows, those moments of unexpected beauty and joy, those little things that make you smile, in other places.

Maybe it’s a 5 minute phone call with Big Mike just so you can smile when he says “Hellooooo Miss Kristin!” (although, if your dad says that to you, and it’s not your name, well, that may be an altogether other kind of issue.)

Maybe it’s a pop into your favorite classroom every day to visit with those little people who go through life in a way that is different than you, but love you and hug you and draw pictures of clouds for you and are happy to see you just because you're you.

Maybe it’s eating both of the Kandy Kakes in the package. Maybe it’s an entire text conversation that consists only of memes sent back and forth.

Maybe it's your pup snuggling in next to you as you type this, snoring and farting away.

And maybe it’s a literal rainbow.

The point of all of this rambling, is that the rainbows are there.

You just have to look.

And when you see them, know that hope and healing are following them, not too far behind.